I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
