please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
