oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
