Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
