Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I will be naked everywhere
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
