Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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