Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize