Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
