Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize