What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
