make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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