I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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