3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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