sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
