Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
