just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
