You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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