My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
