ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize