he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
