I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
