I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
