Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
