Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
