bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
