I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
