I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
