this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
