Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
