dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
