i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
