My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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