I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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