I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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