I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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