I think I died a long time ago.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
