I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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