No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
