I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
