We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
