yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
