I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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