dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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