R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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