The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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