If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
