Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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