True but thats because hes a fetus.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
