we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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