I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize