you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
