Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
