Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
