What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
