I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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