I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
