my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
