Only a mothe r could love this liver
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this beer tastes like vomit already
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
