I bet he comes in French.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
