So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
