Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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