I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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