I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm bleeding and have questions
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
