Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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