idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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