I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Still dying that you shit outside
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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