I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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