you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
