I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
